I have always considered myself in a high regard. Not to say I am narcissistic, I'm not all into myself and praising me, you know the totally annoying self absorbed type of thing... I mean to say I have always had high self esteem. It's always been a source of discomfort and honestly anger when I hear people put themselves down. "I'm to fat." "I'm to skinny." "I have a huge nose." blah blah blah blah blah.... I guess I shouldn't say I have always felt this way, I did at some stage of my youth go through the feelings of inadequacy or feeling ugly, fat and so forth... but I have in the past three or so years come to love being me! I have come to accept my faults, appreciate my strengths and come to know that me is the only person I want to be.
This however is not my point in writing this blog tonight. I have also come to know that there will be people in our lives that will be in the form of friends who in their own little way will try to break us and put doubts in our heads. This may seem like an odd statement, but this happens to be my reality at this moment.
A memory, one that I though I had forgotten, and honestly hadn't thought about in quite awhile reappeared in my mind a few weeks back and has been in my mind non-stop since. I find myself waking up with the phrase running through my head, or it popping into my head at random times during my day. A person from the past put an idea into my head, just a small one, but a hurtful one nonetheless. The thought was this..."you were never good enough."... It hurt when it was said, and to be 100% honest it hurts right now just typing it. This makes me feel two things...1. I'm so glad it was said to me, if it had been said to anyone with any less self esteem...I don't' want to think about that. 2. Though I know my strengths and what I have to offer, will I ever be good enough? The only answer that seems to give me comfort is this. Not for that person, because he wasn't good enough to deserve me. Does that seem narcissistic? I hope not...
The main point of this blog is to say be careful with the things you say, you never know how they my impact or change a persons life....That one simple phrase has casued not only pain in my life, but the return of the feelings of inadequacy.