Sunday, February 21, 2010

the passing of time....

Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength but there are times in life when it takes much more strength to just let go....

The past week I observed this strength in both forms....I watched as my papaw fought for his life. It wasn't easy to see, but I am grateful I got to be there for him, for my mother, and for my family. I am also grateful that I got to say "I love you Papaw" before he passed beyond this life.


Papaw was a cowboy! I use to always tell him that he reminded me of John Wayne! He was handsome, worked hard and although he wasn't "book educated" he was the smartest man I've ever met. He NEVER met a problem he couldn't fix! His response sometimes was "Well, Baby, I don't know how to do that, but we sure will figure it out!"

He was blessed with tons of grandsons who loved being outdoors with him! Going fishing up at his river camp, hunting and so forth! He was blessed with only three granddaughters! Kelly, Me and Brooke. One of the best memories I have of him is taking us on a girls weekend at his river camp to spend the night and go fishing with him! Just us and our papaw!

16 years ago he battled cancer... we all though we were going to lose him then but if there was ever a determined man (or hard headed) it was Papaw! We were blessed to have him for 16 more years!

He had this dog named Red! Red went everywhere with Papaw! The story is Red was Mamaw's dog....She came to Arizona when I was born and left Red at home. It didn't take long for Red to realize Papaw was out having fun hunting rabbits ans squirl's and he decided to be Papaw's dog...LOL!... Red died of cancer, it about broke my Papaw's heart.

He had a heart attack, it was a roller coaster ride for him and everyone involved... He flat lined on the way to the hospital for 15 minutes, but they revived him. They preformed open heart surgery with only a 10% chance that he would make it through it, HE DID. His kidneys shut down they put him on dialysis, He got pnemonia.. one thing right after another. BUT Things started looking up! His kidneys started working again and they took him of of dialysis, He started opening his eyes... and then he got sepsis. It's a nasty infection with a 60% mortality rate.... The infection was so bad that his kidneys shut down again and they couldn't put him back on dialysis.... My mom and my uncles had to make the decision to turn off the machines, because there was nothing more the doctors could do... It was heartbreaking to watch them make that decision and to say goodbye to their father.

EVERYONE of his grandchildren (aside from one) came to see him in the hospital. Even my cousin flew in from Italy. It was obvious that he was very loved! But then who better to love then the man who taught you how to love.


Thursday, February 18, 2010


He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home. -Johann Von Goethe
Home is a starting place of love and dreams. I made a trip home this week...not for pleasure... My grandfather had a heart attack and has been in the hospital in critical condition. He's slowly making improvements, but I can't help but feel that he isn't going to pull through this one... I WANT HIM TO, but in my mind I just don't see it happening.
REGARDLESS of the circumstances of why I am home, this trip has had me thinking about a lot of things...
For starters, the last two times I have come home, I have loved being with my family, but it hasn't felt like my home anymore, not where I belong and yet the place I am living also doesn't feel like where I'm meant to be...
The other thing I have been thinking about is the phrase Home is the starting place of love and drams... This is a true fact! My parents taught me to love and be generous to all those around me and I try to live my life by that motto.
In the apartment complex that I live in back in Orem, my apartment is/or use to be the hang out apartment. NEVER A DULL MOMENT. My door is always open, EVERYONE is welcome to come in have a hot meal (if one has been prepared) and enjoy good conversation. HOWEVER I began to feel like this was being expected and not appreciated... I believe some began to think that this open home policy was because I wanted to hear and be apart of all the drama that goes on in the complex. THIS COULDN'T BE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH.
I was raised to be a hand of help to others, a listening ear when a friend was needed. The first to give a hug or hold a person as they grieved... I learned these traits from my mother and I realized this as I watched her care for my grandfather this past week and as she interacted with her family. MY MOM...The one who will bend over backwards and give what she doesn't have to make sure you have it a little easier. I'm just like her, and I'm not complaining :)
Home is where friendships are formed and families are grown;where joy is shared and true love is known;where memories are made and seeds of life are sown.This is the place...that people call HOME.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Tonight at 6 p.m. I attended a class for decorating cakes! CAKES!!!! It was soooo much fun!!!! I can't say that I was good at it....quite the opposite. HOWEVER I enjoyed it!

The problem is that I see how creative everyone eases cakes look and I feel SELF CONSCIOUS about how UN-creative my cake is. This however is not the point, the point is that I tried something new! If I put some practice into it I too can have super duper CREATIVE cakes!!!!

I think I will spend a little time on this new hobbies and see where it leads me!

ALSO... I was invited tonight to attend a pottery class on this coming Thursday! I think I'll give that a go too!!!!

Monday, February 1, 2010


I don't understand why people are afraid of being alone. I was hanging out with a group of people the other day watching Mama Mia and I made the comment that I had seen the movie in theaters BY MYSELF. The first response was "that sounds very depressing." another chimed in with "how could you do that?"

I don't see what the big deal is..... I have an amazing friend that I met while living in North Carolina. Mecca Williams (now Thacker)! Over lunch one day she told me that I needed to learn to love myself. "FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF AND THE REST OF THE WORLD WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO!" Isn't that amazing advice!?!?!?!

I would have been a fool not to take it, so I set to work!!!! One of the things I love is going to the movies!!!! I love to experience the BIG screen while eating buttery popcorn!!! I decided that I would give it a try!

The first time was joke, walking into a movie theater by yourself.... people must think your crazy to be spending time in public ALONE. Doing an activity that is normally done in pairs. Thinking back I doubt anyone even noticed, though at the time I felt like everyone was staring at the crazy single girl going to the movies all by herslef.

If I were to be honest, it was the best movie going experience I've ever had!!!! There was no one there to distract me from the story line by talking to me! I FELL IN LOVE IMMEDIATELY!!!! It became a weekly thing for me to take a day and go see a new movie! You may be surprised how easy it is to confidently walk into a dark theater, sit down with your bucket of yummy buttery popcorn and watch a movie!

It had been awhile since I had taken time to enjoy a favorite past time. I hadn't done it once since I moved to Utah so this past Friday I took a few hours to myself and went to see WHEN IN ROME! AND you know what???? I enjoyed myself!!!!